Mental Fitness Moment: Dealing with Guilt

GUILT: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Today, we're talking about guilt: what it is and what it isn't. All emotions are a biological call for action, which is to say that emotions are intended to drive us to take some form of protective action. For example, anger is intended to help us push away (or push back) something that is so offensive that not only do we reject it, but it raises to such a level of objection that we're willing to fight about it. Love, on the other hand, is an emotion that pulls us toward a person or thing for greater exposure and interaction. Fear, on the other hand, is designed to cause us to flee from something potentially dangerous. So, what is the biological call for guilt? I wanted to address guilt because guilt is such a powerful and ubiquitous emotion and one that is often so misunderstood. The biological call for guilt is to stop us in our tracks.

Guilt arises when some action we're taking pricks our conscience or our internal guide that tells us when we've crossed a boundary that should be respected. In the moment of violating this boundary, guilt arises with one clear message: STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! In the aftermath of the action producing guilt, its purpose is to prevent us from ever taking that action again. When we obey this internal directive and don't repeat the boundary violation, guilt fades into the background as the message is no longer warranted. Sometimes we need to make repairs as well to fully let the guilt go.

Here's the problem. Humans are the only species who can imagine a different past other than the one we've experienced. Foxes don't feel guilt over the path they didn't take when hunting on a specific day because they cannot imagine any other path than the one they took. However, because we can imagine a different past, we are sending a message to our brain to go back there and fix it. This, of course, is completely impossible. So we wind up on the command loop by the subconscious mind to take an action we cannot take. Thus, inappropriate guilt become a hammer that beats us into the ground unnecessarily, far past what the emotion was ever intended to produce.

There are only three appropriate responses to guilt: 1) stop the action right now, 2) repent and make repairs to any damage done (if possible), and 3) avoid repeating the action in the future. Outside of these three actions, there is nothing to do with guilt but release it. Too many people drag guilt along with them throughout life, thinking it badge of honor or humility to beat themselves down for something they absolutely can no longer change or do anything about. Remember, however, that your life, your performance, your relationships, or your emotions are NEVER enhanced by inappropriate guilt. Quite the contrary...we miss out on so much of the good stuff in life, including the good that we could be doing, while impaled by guilt.

Here's the bottom line: Be honest with what you did, make repairs if you can, guard yourself to never repeat the boundary violation again - which often means learning new mental fitness skills - and then LET IT GO. 

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